Embracing the season of stability
Releasing the pressure to do it all and giving yourself what you need
Life has an interesting way of giving us what we truly desire — even if it’s not quite in the way we expected.
For a while now, I’ve struggled to muster up the motivation to complete seemingly simple tasks. I’ll roll many of these to-do list items over to the next week, then the week after, and so on… unable to effectively take action. While re-reading Anne Helen Petersen’s viral Buzzfeed article, “How Millennials Became The Burnout Generation,” I came across a term that describes this feeling perfectly: “errand paralysis.”
As Petersen describes these taxing micro-obligations: “Their primary beneficiary is me, but not in a way that would actually drastically improve my life. They are seemingly high-effort, low-reward tasks, and they paralyze me…” (YES!)
This errand paralysis became a glaring roadblock in my life, a persistent reminder that things were out of sync.
A couple weekends ago, I attended a music festival with my brother in Las Vegas. While the experience itself was spectacular, I couldn’t deny the nagging feeling that trailed at my heels: a yearning for the comfort of my home, the desire for a quieter calendar, and a craving for simple moments of peace and boredom.
These feelings — of dread, of feeling pushed past my capacity, of wanting to have a less packed calendar — weren’t new to me. I’d just gotten used to stuffing them down. Now at my limit, I had to acknowledge the urgent pleas from within to recalibrate my life. But how?
Well, I got what I asked for. The morning after my return, I found out I’d brought back an unexpected souvenir: COVID.
Thankfully, it turned out to be a relatively mild case and the worst of my symptoms have subsided. During my isolation and recovery, though, I’ve marveled at this sudden time abundance. Boredom, a feeling I had yearned for, maintains a steady presence. Yet, adapting to its company proves more challenging than I’d anticipated.
This ongoing transition in my mindset signified a deeper need within — a need for stability, structure, and security.
The “Do Everything” Era
I relentlessly pursued new experiences in my early 20s. I wanted to soak up as much of the world as possible, and justified my decisions to sleep on trains, stranger’s couches, and barely-held-together cots — or forego sleep altogether — in the name of fun (no regrets, though!).
My identity took shape around this adventure-driven spirit. I took pride in being the type of person who was always willing to try new things — the risker, the better. I hitchhiked in foreign countries. I volunteered for weeks at a time at vegan cafés and camel safari camps and hostels. I even momentarily suppressed my knowledge of tobacco’s dangers and took a couple puffs of a cigarette (thankfully, that form of novelty was immediately off-putting).
This pursuit of novelty, without a doubt, has played an immense role in my life. It’s allowed me to meet wonderful people from all walks of life and experience a profound amount of personal growth.
And truthfully? I used to judge people who didn’t have the same outlook. Why wouldn’t someone want to escape the monotony of day-to-day living to throw themselves into the unknown? Or to do something silly just for the sake of it?
However, this year has given me clarity. I've come to understand that novelty doesn’t have to involve grand gestures or life-altering experiences to work its magic. Also, there can be too much of a good thing, and novelty is no exception.
The Season of Stability
“I’ve realized that things I used to once enjoy, like traveling, haven’t been as fun lately,” I told my therapist last week. “They’ve actually been a major source of anxiety.” Did I really just say those words?
“Why do you think that’s the case?” she asked.
“I’ve found myself doing more than I have the capacity for,” I said. “I often do things to keep up appearances, but I feel drained and a little empty after.”
“And what do you think has driven this behavior?” she asked.
“I guess I’m afraid of missing out,” I told her. “But in all honesty, I’ve felt really untethered throughout my 20s and crave routine and stability at this point. I find myself evading a more ‘boring,’ simplified life because I feel like it goes against this image I’ve always had of myself — of being the one to do all the things. Truthfully, though, I don’t want to live this way anymore.” As I said this, I felt an all-encompassing sense of relief.
“Yeah, honestly, routine doesn’t get enough credit because it’s kind of unsexy,” she said. We both laughed. “But from a mental health perspective, it can give us the structure and predictability we need when we’re struggling to feel grounded.”
She was right. Many of the ways we care for ourselves — like getting enough sleep, moving our bodies, and regularly hydrating — aren’t glamorous or exciting. But they’re absolutely necessary.
I realize what an immense privilege it is to have been able to travel and experience so much of the world. And I don’t want take that privilege for granted. When experiences that should be fun and exciting don’t feel that way, it’s a sign that a reevaluation of our priorities is necessary.
Novelty without feelings of appreciation, joy, and curiosity is just empty novelty. By recalibrating our need for newness, we can fully savor such moments when they do arise, rather than becoming numb to them.
Striking a Balance
Embracing a routine can be challenging, especially when bombarded by social media's portrayal of seemingly "perfect" lives. The digital landscape elicits either the fear of missing out or showcases endless over-the-top "wake up at 5 a.m., bullet journal, meditate, run a marathon, and work a fully productive day at your dream job" videos. (Yeah, not real!)
I think there’s also a point when routine can keep us trapped and prevent us from learning, growing, and making forward momentum.
Conversely, the pursuit of novelty poses its own drawbacks. Chasing new experiences purely to check off bucket list items, without truly understanding the intentions behind their pursuit, can be equally unsatisfying.
The key is balance: establishing a solid foundation while remaining flexible to change, ensuring we don't become too enmeshed with our ways. Realistically, routine may not always be what we desire, and there are periods in life when it can feel downright impossible — for instance, when moving somewhere new, after welcoming a newborn, or in the middle of a career change.
Remember that our needs change. Sometimes we may crave more novelty and gravitate away from a routine. At other points, a routine can ground us and give us comfort in the midst of chaos.
Don’t be afraid to honor your current needs. If you’ve been in a rut for a while, find small ways to incorporate novelty into your life — whether that’s by visiting a coffee shop you’ve never been to, making a new recipe, or reading a book in a genre you wouldn’t normally go for. If you’ve been feeling ungrounded and need to feel more at home within yourself, carve out time for a workout each day, stick to a bedtime and wake-up time that allow you to feel rested, and say “no” to the things that feel too taxing at the moment.
Take this new fall season as an opportunity to pause and reconsider what you need as you finish out the year.
I hope you find the balance you’re looking for.
Take care and until next time,
Brina
🌹Tuesday Tapestry Reflection
What role does novelty currently play in your life? Do you feel like you get enough of it? Too little? Too much?
What about familiarity and routine? To achieve a healthy balance, what changes do you think you’d need to make?
👋🏽 Welcome!
… to newest subscribers Andrew, Sab, Sade, Edward, and Brie. Happy to have you all along for the journey!
🎨 Content Corner
Song: “Can I Call You Tonight?” by Dayglow (a fun indie track that gives off major SoCal road trip vibes)
Book: Mika in Real Life by Emiko Jean (I don’t normally go for rom-coms, but I’m a sucker for anything with an adoption story)
Newsletter:
(thought-provoking analyses of cultural trends and relatable relationship insights — her writing is absolute gold!)Article: “8 Things Working With The Dying Has Taught Me About Living A Meaningful Life” (mindbodygreen)
YouTube Video: We all should aspire to be as chill and careless as Chad (one of my all-time favorite SNL skits)
Thanks for the shoutout! I enjoy reading your stories :)
Aw thanks so much for the shoutout!