What's on your life résumé?

Reconsidering the way we acknowledge our accomplishments and contributions

Things that can’t be captured on a traditional résumé #19398588383: awe-inspiring experiences such as witnessing cotton candy skies like these. (Lizard’s Mouth ~ Santa Barbara, California / c. 2014)

Last week, I wrote about quitting my job. As I wrapped up my time there, I kept hearing that well-meaning but anxiety-inducing question: “So, what’s next?”

Not having a clear-cut answer felt both liberating and unsettling. I basked in the glory of having temporarily stepped back from the confines of a set workday, but also felt this simmering pressure to have a response, which usually came out as, “I’m taking some time to recalibrate before finding the next gig.” This is true, but also vague enough to technically evade the question and cover up the shame I felt around not swinging swiftly into the next role, landing gracefully in a new office — virtual or otherwise — and having my career trajectory meticulously mapped out.

While this is a generalization — many people don’t have experiences this clear-cut — it’s still, by and large, the expectation. Truthfully, I have been feeling shame around not having things more figured out by now. It’s something I know I need to work on personally, but also a byproduct of our capitalistic society that equates human worth to the number of hours we log each day. There’s also a general lack of acknowledgment of other forms of labor (largely unpaid) — caretaking, ensuring household operations are running smoothly, managing chronic medical conditions — which still require just as much (and in many cases, more) time and energy than formal jobs. (For further reading,

Pooja Lakshmin MD

has brilliantly written about the concept of unpaid labor in her book, Real Self-Care.)

Rethinking the Résumé

Somewhat obsessively, I devoted the final few weeks at work to polishing up my LinkedIn profile; to condensing my year-long tenure into neat little bullet points. Perhaps it was one of my ways of attaining closure or gaining a semblance of control in an otherwise uncertain time. I will admit, however, that I felt a familiar surge of dopamine course through me as I took in the final product, with punchy verbs (courtesy of this Career Contessa blog post) and several stats peppered in.

However, once the initial excitement faded and I realized there was nothing left to add, I felt… empty.

After all, what do résumés really tell us about a person? Sure, you see what they’ve accomplished within the confines of a professional setting, but they’re, by and large, one-dimensional. We don’t hear about the personal struggles that person went through, within the workplace or otherwise, nor do we see what makes them… them. Sure, the formatting used, language leveraged, and unique skills added can provide additional context to varying degrees. But they don’t clue us into the entire picture, which is really unfortunate. I think most people on this planet wouldn’t pass the “look good on paper” test that implicitly comes with having a résumé examined, but if you were to meet them face-to-face and hear their story, you’d find them to be one of the most interesting, admirable, and driven individuals. (Many family members and people I met while visiting developing countries come to mind.)

Yet, we spend so much time worrying about résumés — pouring in vast amounts of mental energy to perfectly polish them (and, for those who have the means, hiring special coaches to ensure these one-pagers are as eye-catching as possible).

Obviously, I’m no stranger to the résumé (nor to its cousin, the biodata, but we’ll have to save that discussion for another time). My initial encounters to the résumé can be traced back to 2012. My 12th grade AP English teacher, Mr. Huth, led us through an end-of-year project in which we learned about résumé structure. We spent weeks fine-tuning our own — solidifying the format, ensuring all verbs were parallel — until they were just right. I have no hard feelings against Mr. Huth. He had sound intentions, as he taught us a skill that would actually help us become employable down the road. (Now, if only high school lesson plans covered taxes, mortgages, and the myriad other finance-related topics we’re expected to magically figure out in adulthood.)

Since the final year of high school, my résumé has taken on different iterations, as I’ve entered the realm of adulting (which is a trap!) and tried my hand at various professions. Whereas I found the entire premise of the résumé promising and exciting back in high school, I’ve realized, like the “So, what’s next?” inquiry itself, that the document induces feelings of worry. It’s a lot of pressure to have to condense such a major part of who you are into a single page. And it doesn’t help that, according to statistics, most recruiters and hiring managers only spend six to seven seconds looking at a résumé.

I wonder what our ancestors would’ve thought about a solitary piece of paper holding so much weight and influence in our lives. (Photo by João Ferrão on Unsplash)

Even the thought of opening up and editing my old résumé this very moment makes me shudder. So much so that tasks that I typically evade — for instance, washing and folding my laundry (on the same day!) — become infinitely more enticing. I know that I can’t avoid it forever, but for now, I shall take solace in talking about the résumé from a distance.

A Different Approach

Part of why I find the resume daunting is because I’ve bounced through several careers in my 20s. I’ve gained a lot of valuable experience, yes, but prior to this most recent job, I struggled to tie it all together with a neat little bow. And in all honesty, I still don’t know “what I want to be when I grow up.” Well, not in a professional sense, anyways. It’s difficult to pin down one path and stick to it, especially with the state of work and personal needs/interests constantly evolving. Even with the path that I’m on right now — the one of writing, marketing, and creating — there are numerous directions I hope to explore, many of which are quite disparate from one another, at least on the surface level.

I acknowledge that even those who do spend decades in one career undergo their own pivots and unexpected shifts. Such is work, such is life. But I’ve always found the sociocultural norm of having it all figured out — especially in your late teens and early 20s! — to be incredibly limiting.

Though there are many uncertainties around the professional side of things, I do, however, know how I want my life to look. I’d like to be healthy, calm, content, creative, curious, and surrounded by people I love and feel inspired by. I hope to always have plenty of time to devote to hobbies — reading, writing, dancing, painting, learning languages, exploring new places, and whatever else comes up along the way. And more than anything, I want to peace out of this existence knowing that I lived — that I took risks and experienced love and stood up for what I believed in and embraced the messiness of being human.

As these thoughts percolated in my mind a couple of weeks ago, I considered writing down everything that made my life meaningful — not from a professional perspective, but all of the things outside of it. A “life résumé,” if you will.

Here are a few major themes that showed up:

• The relationships I’ve nurtured, and been nurtured by, over the years (pets count, too!) — even those that are no longer in my life

• The experiences I’ve had traveling, volunteering, and studying abroad, as well as the appreciation of various cultures that has resulted

• The fun memories I’ve made at concerts, weddings, birthday parties, and other gatherings, big and small

• The hobbies I’ve been passionate about (this newsletter, dancing during childhood, DIY crafting) and extracurriculars I’ve tried, past and present (Girl Scouts, tutoring, community organizations)

• The major challenges I’ve overcome, alongside the lessons learned and resilience built from tough periods

As I completed this exercise, words from Rainesford Stauffer, author of All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive, echoed in my mind. Based on her own experiences of getting caught up in grind culture, Stauffer redefined what ambition meant personally. Instead of solely seeing it in a professional or academic context, she encourages us to channel our ambitious energy into other aspects of our lives — friendships and hobbies, for example. After all, ambition itself isn’t a bad thing. We need ambition to enact change in the world and see our goals through. The danger lies in only tying it to our productivity, or the measurable external factors (grades, accolades, monetary wealth) that many of us are taught to value above all else.

This is the energy I’m hoping to bring into this new chapter — to not discount the role work has played in my life, but to also not allow it to carry all the weight.

So, if you’re in between jobs or looking for a job or just need a reminder of what makes your life meaningful, I’d consider creating a life résumé. I wrote mine out in my journal (there’s no page limit — yay!), but I think it would also be useful to keep it somewhere you can see it often. This life résumé can show you where you’d like to devote more of your time and energy, while also spotlighting the incredible things you’ve done, which don’t always get the credit they deserve.

Remember that your life is so much more than what you do for a living. In a society that’s become increasingly standardized and metrics-driven, it’s easy to try and define ourselves by the numbers we so often see. But we’re all so much more complex than that, which is a truly beautiful thing.

Until next time,

Brina

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🌹Reflection

When brainstorming what to include in your life résumé, consider the aspects of your life you’re deeply proud of. In terms of your relationships, experiences, hobbies, lessons learned, and otherwise, what’s been the most transformative?

How does your outlook about your life change as you take stock of these areas? Are there any areas in which you’d like to devote more time? And if so, which ones?

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🎨 Content Corner

• Song: “Maybes” by Giraffage feat. Japanese Breakfast (RAC Mix)

• YouTube channel: I’ve been really enjoying Cara Nicole’s video essays on the intersection between our spending habits and the media we consume

• Newsletter:

  A Day Well Spent with Leyla Kazim
  (I came across Leyla’s newsletter recently and love the wide variety of fascinating topics covered, from why she doesn’t consume the news to her very relatable frustrations with many common holiday traditions.)

• Article: “When the Best Gift Costs Nothing at All” (a New York Times piece that serves as a powerful reminder this time of year)