Let's talk about comparisonitis ⚖️
Because none of us is immune...
There's a well-known writer I've been following for a while. Let's call her... Sammie.
Sammie's online presence suggests a seemingly overnight catapult to success. Her accolades include a burgeoning YouTube channel, regular speaking engagements, a massive newsletter, and enough passive income to work four-hour days as a content creator. Oh, and she's only in her mid-20s.
From a rational standpoint, I find Sammie's accomplishments admirable and undeniably desirable. But I can't evade the flip side of that admiration — the ever-present sting of comparisonitis — that triggers feelings of inadequacy.
Such is life in the digital era, when a well-intentioned online session can easily spiral into a bombardment of harsh reminders of everything we haven't done. It seems as if everyone these days earns six figures, shows up on 40 under 40 lists, and somehow takes year-long sabbaticals to Bali (simultaneously!).
We're all familiar with the platitudes that attempt to snap us back into reality ("Comparison is the thief of joy! Social media is a highlight reel!"). But the truth is, it's not that easy to undo this thinking trap.
Sure, it certainly helps to set boundaries around social media (and screen time in general). However, we still subconsciously compare ourselves to others in all areas of life. In fact, our brains are hardwired to do so.
In our ancestors' days, social comparison ensured group cohesion, greater opportunities for mating, and ultimately, survival.
But now?
This social comparison tendency makes us feel overwhelmed, anxious, and frustrated. We constantly wish our lives were different and focus on all the areas in which we're lacking. Our brains haven't adapted to handle the incessant information bombardment we're up against today.
Still, we can and should strive to detach ourselves from comparisonitis — even if it's just through small steps.
So, if you've been caught in the comparison trap more so than usual, remember:
1. Your starting point may be further behind someone else's. We all have inherent privileges and disadvantages in life — financial hardship, health challenges, relationship struggles. It's easy to look at successful people and feel that we should have as much as they do by now. But just as no journey is linear, everyone's starting points are also different. Furthermore, successes don't truly happen overnight — often, there are years of grueling work and self-doubt we don't always see.
2. Intention is everything. These days, it's easy to confuse society's metrics of success — climbing corporate ladders, owning the shiniest car, reaching various milestones by a certain age — as our own. But if we check in with ourselves, we might realize we want something different. That's why it's so important to get clear on your intentions — that is, what do you value in life?How do you really want to spend your time? To clear out the noise, consider unfollowing or muting accounts that bring up comparisonitis. You deserve to protect your peace and stay true to your own purpose.
3. Regularly celebrate wins. Your to-do list will never end. If all we ever do is focus on what we haven't done yet, we forget about the incredible wins we've had. I'm a big fan of the "ta-da list". Write down as many wins (big or small!) that you can think of — whether they're within the past day, week, year, or your whole lifetime. Jot down any accomplishment that comes to mind (yes, making your bed counts!) and savor these little victories.
Comparisonitis can be an all-encompassing beast, pushing us to forget about our own values and contributions.
Ultimately, we're all on our own journeys. It's unfair to let comparisonitis take over, given the myriad factors involved in each of our unique stories.
Before I wrap it up, I'm curious: When do you most often notice comparisonitis? How do you usually react when these feelings arise?
Take care & until next time,
Brina
FUN ANNOUNCEMENTS 💬
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I'm glad you're here! I think you'll find value in the creative inspo, expert interviews, and mini essays I share biweekly in The Tuesday Tapestry.
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CONTENT CORNER 🎨
YouTube video: "How to NOT BURN OUT as a Content Creator" (Latasha James keeps it candid in this all-too-relatable conversation)
Book: Around the World in 80 Trains by Monisha Rajesh (for anyone seeking an armchair adventure and a newfound appreciation for train travel)
Article: "3 keys to feeling like there's never enough time and get creative projects done" (an ongoing struggle for us all)
Song: "Phenomenon" by ODIE (a mellow R&B/soul track by a highly underrated artist)
Blog Post: "Want To Write for Business Insider? Here's Everything You Need To Know." (a little guide I recently put together)
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